Alone
by Bamboo
Summary: PG13 because of language. First person POV, Nuriko struggles with his feelings about a certain redhead. Shonen-ai/Yaoi. The final chapters! Thank you so much for the reviews, please leave more for these chapters! ^.~
1. Loneliness

Disclamer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi, much to my regret. Yuu Watase-sama does (worship her!) and Pioneer does and Flower Comics does and...er...some other people do too. ^_^;;;  
  
Warning: This fic is Shonen-ai, Yaoi (not really, just shonen-ai). Don't know what that means? Well, it's a MalexMale relationship. There really isn't much in this one...  
  
Note: This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fanfic, so please be kind! Review too onegai.   
  
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Alone. The word rings in my ears with horrid familiarity. Alone, alone, alone. That all I'll ever be isn't it? Heh, at least I'm not in denial anymore.   
"Nuriko? Nuuuuuriiiiikkkooooooooooooooo!"   
My attention snaps back to the conversation at hand. I place the usual genki grin on my face, hoping it reaches my eyes this time. "Nani?"  
"Shit Nuriko, weren't ya listenin' ta me? Damn that's cruel...." Tasuki crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. He's so cute when he does that....  
"God-damnit Nuriko!"   
"Gomen, gomen, what did you say?"   
Tasuki sighs and allows a fang to poke out of the corner of his mouth. "Never fuckin' mind."   
He said something about being alone, now I'm curious. "No tell me!"   
"Fuckin' hell I will!"   
"You curse to much."   
Tasuki cocks his head to the side. "I do?"   
I nod. "Worse then a drunken sailor-"  
"I'm not a fuckin' sailor!! Damn water."   
"Baka."  
"Shut up."   
Silence, a rare thing when I'm with Tasuki. Usually you can't get him to stop talking. I lean against the twisted iron railing that lines the walkway surrounding the palace. He's looking at the stars, I can see them reflected in his eyes. Tasuki might act like an idiot, but he tends to think about little things in great detail and is really very intelligent. I wonder if he knows that.   
"Ya cold Nuri-chan?"  
Of course I'm cold, I'm always cold. "Not really, why?"  
He shrugs and runs his fingers through his hair, making a face as he does. "No reason, just wonderin'." The very corners of his mouth turn down into a small frown. Does he know what a bishonen he is? If he does, he's very humble about it.   
I start twirling the end of my braid. It's an old habit, I do it sub contiously anymore. For some reason I'm nervous and I have been since we found out that we were leaving for Hokkan. Probably just pre-travel anxiety.   
"Ya tired?"  
Of course I'm tired, I'm always tired. "Not at all."  
"Oh." Tasuki frowns again.   
"Why do you ask?"  
"Y'just seem sleepy is all. Guess I'm jus' worried about ya, ne?" He chuckles and rubs his nose.  
I raise and eyebrow and laugh.   
"Worried about me? Baka ne." I poke him in the side. He squeaks and screws up his face.  
"Cut it out Nuri!" A smirk slowly spreads over his features.   
"...what?" That expression is never a good thing.  
"Ya know what I just realized? You're fuckin' short!" He laughs triumphantly and stands perfectly straight. "Short!"   
I hit him, not very hard but enough to hurt. "God damn it I know I'm short!"   
"Itai! I was just sayin'-"  
I raise my fist threateningly. Tasuki shuts up, a wise decision on his part. The silence doesn't last very long, however.  
"...so have you always been a midget or is it a new thing?"   
I hit him again. "Stupid, don't insult my height! At least I'm not a-" Che, I can't think of anything bad about him...that's not good, he'll win the argument! And I can't have that.  
"'Least yer not a what?" He knows he's won.  
"At least I'm not a pyromaniac!" That was most idiotic....  
"You say it like it's a bad fuckin' thing! 'Sides, y'are too, I've seen all those candles in yer room. Waaaaaayyyyyyy more then y'need just for lighting! And who always insists on-"  
"All right, all right, you win...." I pause. "What were you doing in my room anyway?"  
Tasuki's eyes widen slightly and his face gets flushed. Even in the dark I can see he's embarrassed, but about what?  
"I-ano, er...no reason."  
"Aa?" ...Why WAS he in my room? Anyway, he shouldn't be embarrassed about it. Unless he has some sort of attraction to me, which I seriously doubt. How could anyone ever be attracted to me? It's very unlikely, especially considering that I...love? Maybe that's to strong of a word....  
Tasuki fidgets nervously, playing with the handle of his tessen, his gold eyes trained on the ground. I hate it when he's tense, it seems to make everything seem a lot worse then it actually is. I let my eyes linger on his face, taking it in, memorizing it. He's gorgeous, but not in the same way Hotohori-sama is. I'd say that Tasuki is just as attractive as heika, once you actually compare the two. I sigh and hop up onto the rail, instantly losing my balance (I'm really a klutz) and falling forward.  
"CRAP-" I take a couple deep breaths to slow down the adrenaline rush. He caught me! I know his seishi power is speed, but for some reason I'm flattered that he bothered.  
"Ya ok baka? Yer kinda red." I'm blushing? Che!   
Theres another long pause. I rest my head on his chest and sigh, but he doesn't pull back.   
It's a nice position, I could stay like this forever. Tasuki smells like alcoholic peaches, not quite what I was expecting, but not bad. Pretty good actually.  
Maybe there's some way I can let him know how I feel? Without ruining our friendship of course--that's the tricky part. Anything I do will either disgust him or scare him off. It'll be hard to avoid him on the Hokkan trip, which means confrontation if I do anything now--  
Without thinking I stand on my toes and try to convey all my love and all my confusing feelings in a kiss. Nothing. No reaction at all. He pulls away abruply, and turns around so he wont have to look at me.  
"It's late. Oyasumi Nuriko."  
"Oyasumi." He walks away, leaving my smashed heart in his wake.  



	2. Cold

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Don't own them, with I did, need to finish writing my lemon now.  
Back by popular demand (I consider 5 reviews popular) drumroll Chapter 2! This fic contains YAOI and SHONEN AI with TASUKI AND NURIKO as in them in a romantic relationship with EACH OTHER. If you don't like it, read another fic. Review onegai!  
  
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I sneeze for what must be the millionth time this hour. I hate the cold, always have always will. The fact that the only coat that remotely fits me is only a little thicker than paper and half as warm doesn't help my mood either. I sigh and lift my face up so that the sun warms it a little.   
"Baka, I told ya to wear somethin' warmer." The aggravatingly cheerful bandit pulls his horse up next to mine and flashes a feral grin.  
"Shut up Tasuki..." I sneeze again. Much to my surprise I feel a much warmer coat draped over my shivering shoulders.  
"Tasuki...."  
"Can't have ya freeze to death on us, ne?"  
I laugh. "Guess not-who'd be there to save you from your own stupidity?" I frown.  
"Won't you be cold?"   
Tasuki sits up straight, in an attempt to look manly.   
"Genrou never gets cold! BWHAHAHA-ow what the fuck was that for?!"   
I stick out my tongue. "For the insane laughing of course."   
He pouts and we ride for a while in silence.   
"...You miss Hotohori?" That was unexpected. I almost fall off the horse, but stop myself at the last second.   
"What's that got to do with anything?"  
"Do you?"  
I pause and chew on my lower lip. Do I? A little I guess....  
"Not really."  
"Aa."  
More silence. I stare at him out of the corner of my eye--how can I help it? The object of my forbidden affection...Suzaku, I'm a hopeless romantic.  
"You love him?"   
I start coughing. Tasuki slaps me on the back a couple of times and I finally regain my breath.   
"N-nani?!"  
"I'm serious Nuriko."  
An uncomfortable pause. I study his face for a moment to make sure he really IS serious.  
"I-I'm not sure...I don't think I do."  
"Yes or no." His voice is cold.  
I almost tell him the truth, but something about his tone...and he hurt me before, why not try to do the same?  
"Yes, I love heika."   
"...Oh."   
I instantly regret saying it, almost to the point or telling him the truth. Iie, past the point of telling the truth. I open my mouth to admit it, but Tasuki rides off to the front of our little "procession" before I can.   
I hate Hokkan already.  
  



	3. To die

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda…you know the drill, YAOI, SHONEN AI, etc. etc…  
This chapter is hella short…not really even a chapter. Enjoy!  
  
  
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It's cold. It hurts too, like thousands upon thousands of needles sticking   
in my skin, but it isn't as painful as it was a few minutes ago, thank Suzaku.   
My legs are numb, my feet burn, but the cold makes the pain bearable. I can't   
stand up...not anymore, it's too much work and I'm so tired....  
"NURIKO!!!"  
Who's calling me? Aa, Miaka and Tamahome...figures. I turn to look at   
them, my mistake! Everything is spinning now...itai, I won't move anymore....  
"NURIKO!!!"  
Gomen, I can't seem to make my legs work...you'll have to come to   
me...how did I end up on the ground? Tasuki...I could use that tessen about   
now...I want to see you again, but I don't think I will-gomen.   
I'm talking...Miaka is crying...I raise my hand to wipe away her tears and   
the pain comes back, ripping at my chest and shooting down my arm.  
"I'm going to go look for Mitsukake." Tamahome nods and she runs off.   
I can't keep my eyes open Tasuki...hurry up.  
  



	4. Ai Shiteru

Disclaimer: You know the drill, FY isn't mine, neither is the japanese   
language. Enjoy the fic minna! This would be the last chapter…  
  
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Why did it take so long for him to get here? Oh well, it doesn't really   
matter anyway. It's not like he cares, and I can still see him...that's all I   
wanted, just to see him again. He's just standing there...I move closer so I   
can see his face. For some reason he looks upset--I can't imagine why.  
"T...Tamahome...?"  
Tama-chan stands up, shaking, and walks away from the bloody heap,   
crying silently the entire way. He passes right through me, but doesn't   
notice. I didn't think he would.  
"He and a seriyuu shichi seishi..." I can't hear the rest.  
Tasuki's eyes double in size.   
"Th-that's crazy? YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY!!!" He grabs Tamahome's   
shoulders and shakes him. Tama just turns his head away, refusing to meet   
his eyes.   
"H-he can't be dead!! Y-you might believe him, b-but I can tell, the God   
damned faker! Can't you see he's faking the whole fucking thing?!" He   
shakes Tamahome, who still wont look at him.   
"F-forget you!" Tasuki gives him a shove and rests his arm on   
Mitsukake's shoulder.   
I definitely wasn't expecting him to care this much. I wasn't expecting   
him to care at all.  
"H-hey Mitsukake, why don'tcha go an' fix him up?" No response. "Well?!   
What are you waiting for?!" His voice is strained.  
"...You can't..." All the anger is wiped off his face.   
"...you can't do anything...Nuriko...." Pent-up tears start rolling down his   
flushed cheeks, leaving frozen trails behind them.  
Gomen, gomen don't cry, please don't cry Tasuki!   
I'm right in front of him. His eyes a squeezed shut and he's clutching   
Mitsukake's coat like a life line. His shoulders tremble with quiet sobs.  
Please, stop crying...I don't want you to cry...I never wanted you to cry....  
Tasuki mutters something that involves cursing and trudges away from   
the rest. I follow, of course. There's not much else I can do.   
Something inside me snaps. What right does he have to cry? He hates   
me and now that...that bastard is crying!!! Making me feel like shit! I'm   
screaming at him, but my words fall on deaf ears.   
Tasuki slumps listlessly against a rock--my rock. I'm in his face,   
screaming. Part of me is begging for a reaction, some sign that he knows I'm   
here...the rest is fervently hoping that he can't.   
He can't and I know it.  
Am I crying now? Che, I am. I hurriedly swipe at my eyes, even though   
no one can see my tears.   
"Tasuki...." I wish that he could hear me, I'd give anything for him to   
hear me....  
"Ai shiteru."   
My stomach drops. I feel sick, if spirits are allowed such pleasures. What   
did he just say? Iie, iie, not now, not after I gave up, no, Kami no....  
"...Ai shiteru...." his voice is strained and tearful.   
"I was gonna tell ya when we got back t' Konan demo...." Tasuki buries   
his face in his knees and starts sobbing again.  
No no no no no...please let this be a dream, a horrible dream. I don't care   
that I'm dead but if Tasuki--  
My knees give out and I sink into the snow. My fingers try to brush   
away his tears, lips try to kiss his forehead, arms try to embrace him.   
Nothing. Right through like I'm nothing but air...kuso, that's all I am.   
I'm sobbing almost uncontrollably, tears streaking down and off my face   
just to fall into oblivion. He had to care! He couldn't just hate me, noooo, he   
had to go complicate things by having feelings and...and....  
"...Are you happy Nuri-chan?"  
I stop my rant and look him straight in the eyes.  
"I-I mean you were so fuckin' miserable before...are you happy now?"  
How can I be happy when I'm alone?  
All Alone.  
  
~*~*~Owari~*~*~*  
  
Reviews anyone? Was it sad enough? Anyway, weather you liked it or not,   
thanks a lot for reading. Now…please excuse me while I work on my lemon…  
  
-Bamboo  
  



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